Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Uh oh... this one's a little cliché

I love staring into my beautiful baby’s eyes. I love cuddling in the morning. I love playing with her every day. I especially love it when she falls asleep on my chest or shoulder. I love her smiles and her crazy facial expressions. I love spending every day home with her. It seems that most of my life I have been striving for materialistic things. I wanted a good career so that I could buy the things that I wanted. I measured my success by others opinions of me. I didn’t realize that I really was living my life for others not for myself. I wasn’t happy with this… I needed change.
Now I live in a place that is by no means impressive. I have a beautiful house but it is by no means grand or magnificent. My job isn’t impressive. I’m 23 years old and I’m still in school. I married young at 20 and had a baby at age 23, which some would call crazy.
My life is by no means where I thought it would be, yet I couldn’t be happier. I’m working towards my career, not for money, but to make a difference. As silly as it sounds I am scared to start my program at school. Seeing the hospital beds and the instruments I’m going to have to use makes me nervous. A mistake at work will have far worse consequences than many other careers. I’m afraid for the few people who may not make it through the surgery. It doesn’t happen often, but it happens. Not every heart attack victim can be saved in the Cath Lab, but then I think about all of the people who are saved in there. Like my dad, twice… and who knows how many others. My job right now isn’t the most important one, but I enjoy it. I work for the community, and I’m involved in a lot of fun events. I get to be creative, and I know it’s only temporary. It’s stress free (most of the time) and the hours are low. I’m lucky to only have to work one day a week because it gives me more time at home where I want to be. I always thought being a stay at home mom would be boring and unfulfilling but I was extremely mistaken. There is nowhere else in the world that I would rather be than home with my Kayleigh. She brightens my day. She makes me want to live everyday to the fullest. It’s amazing how much she makes me feel loved and needed. All it takes is a look from her and my heart melts. I don’t know what I did without her. I can’t remember life without her. It’s amazing. She’s amazing.
I hate how corny this all sounds but sometimes I need to break down and admit that my family is so important to me. My life with Shaun and Kayleigh has given me more joy than I ever thought possible. I have a great house filled with great things, but the only things that really matter to me are the people inside my house. Sometimes I forget that, but I know that it’s true. If this is just the beginning then I can’t wait to experience the rest of the ride. In fact, I’m looking forward to it.

3 comments:

Lianne said...

I'm glad you're enjoying being a parent so much! Sounds like you are a great mom! :)

Tiffany said...

Welcome to motherhood!!

Kara and Todd said...

Amanda! Hearing you talk like that is... well, kind of new for me! But I love it! It gives me some hope for the future because you and I think a lot a like. You've grown up so much and i'm just so happy for you and your happiness! :) oh, great. now i'm getting all sappy! Lol. Miss you girl!